By Raven C.

Performance: February, 2002
Youth Guidance Center, San Francisco


Time: August
Place: At Lil Bullet’s dog house.
At Rise: Big Bullet stands outside Lil Bullet’s dog house.  Lil Bullet paces inside his dog house.  They are about to meet for the first time since Lil Bullet was 3 years old.

 



Lil Bullet’s monologue

    Why I’m so nervous?  It’s just my father.  But I know I ain’t seen him in a while, but still I want to talk to him.  I wanna ask him a lot of questions regarding me, my mom, and my sister.  What should I ask him first?  I don’t want him running away.  I’m a come with the easy questions, then drop the harsh ones on him.  Now think, Bullet… what type of questions should I ask?  Okay, don’t panic!  He’ll be here in 10 minutes.  Don’t trip! I’ll play it off coo’.   Ask him how he been, how’s life treating him, and typical questions like that.  He’ll think our conversation went the way he wants it to.  I already know, and then… I’ll shoot the questions out like bullets: What was he thinking when he left my young, helpless mother with a bad-ass puppy on her hands, and to top it off, a puppy on the way?  I’m a make him think hard about how his leaving affected our lives. I just thought of something…. I got a young one on the way myself.  Damn! 
I hope I don’t turn out like my father.  What if I’m not ready to have a family of my own?  I got some serious thinking to do:
            #1 – I love her.
            #2 – She’s carrying my baby.
            #3 – I got mad feelings for her since we were pups.
            #4 – I want my daughter / son to grow up with a father…. that equals to commitment so far.  Then, on the other hand, I ain’t ready to settle down yet. If I stay with her, I might cheat on her.  Then our relationship will be nothing but lies  She’ll be nagging me about the next female dog.  We’ll probably end up separating bit by bit.  Soon enough we’ll be permanently separated… and she’ll pull that move, saying I can’t see my kid, and some other.  Then my lil pup will grow up without a father, or barely even seeing him, and so he’ll end up hating me for not being there.  Just like I despise my father now. But now I’m a let my father pay me a visit and see how this turns out.
Big Bullet’s monologue
    Okay!  I’m here.  Don’t be scared.  You was bold enough to leave.  You can be bold enough to explain yourself.  I hope the visit goes through.  But my wife, I know she gone be tripping.  She ain’t seen me in a minute, either.I really miss her, and I need to point out that I’m miserable without her…. and my baby girl, she probably don’t even know who I am.  I gotta lot of explaining to do. I’m going to bark before I arrive at the door, so Lil Bullet will assume it’s me, and come to the door, and not his mother.  If it gets out of hand… which I hope it don’t… I’m a leave.  I’ll just have to live with the guilt.  If they don’t want me back, I can’t force myself back. But God… Human Gods… cause I heard y’all more powerful… Help me!  Please help me!  I really want my family back.  I’ll do right.  I need them.  I need them more than they need me.  I’m stressing.  All I think about is my family.  I have no one else but them. If they accept me back, then that means we a family again.  [he smiles]  I won’t let them doubt me.  I’m a show them that I could be loving, a real father, someone to look up to.  I’ll have the loving family I realized I really need. On the other hand, what if I fail?  End up leaving?  Damn!  Why did I have to think of that?  They’ll stress me out, keep up popping up with these questions, about why did you leave, and this and that and this.All evil thoughts to the side.  I need to be positive.  [takes a deep breath]Here goes nothing.  [he walks up to the house….]
     
    The End.
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