Confused True Love
BULL, the blue nose pitbull, male, 10 years old in dog years
Setting: In Sunnydale on a hot Summer day in front of Bull’s house.
Time: It’s 1:00 pm in the afternoon.
At Rise: PIT is outside his house alone.
It’s hot out here. I need to go swimming. Too bad I don’t have nobody to go with.
(PIT looks up and sees BULL sitting in front of his house and PIT walks over to BULL’s house.)
What you doing with that coat on? It’s like 90 degrees out here?
Man, you know me? Gotta stay fly for the honies. But whatchu doin’ out here? Why you not going swimming like everybody else?
Cuz I been meaning to talk to you. I wanted to let you know that I seen you in your car with Catrece.
How you know Catrece?
I used to talk to Catrece.
Stop lyin’. You don’t know Catrece.
(BULL pushes PIT.)
I do know Catrece, the chihuahuan with the green eyes with the tattoo on her left leg with long fur?
Pit you know all the dogs. Where you know her from?
You know me? Bein’ the playa that I am. I was goin’ out to eat with Toya, the bulldog with the brown eyes. And I had to go to the pitstore to buy me a shirt and I pulled up in the lot in my pitmobile sitting on all foes slappn’ Lil Durk “This Ain’t Whatchu Want” drawinin all eyes on me and I seen Catrece walking to the store. So I hopped out the pitmobile with all windows down and left one door open so every pit could hear the music. And I walked into the store and I walked up to Catrece and I growled at her and the drool hit the ground hard. ‘What’s your name beautiful?’ And she barked back and said, ‘Catrece. And what’s your name?’ ‘My name Pit. And I was wondering if you could give me directions?’ She said, ‘Sure. Where you need directions to?’ ‘I was wondering if you could gimme directions to yo heart?’
(BULL pushed PIT and they start to laugh. PIT sits down on his butt.)
Why you always lyin’?
Naw I was just playin’. I met Catrece through the doberman I used to talk to like 2 months ago. But enough of all of that. I wanted to ask you if I could go out with your little sister, Nu Nu?
(BULL sits downs next to PIT.)
(BULL takes a minute to think and looks around.)Man, where’s this comin’ from?
Bull, I’m tired. I’m tired of being a dawg. I don’t wanna grow up and be lonely like you.
Who said I was lonely?
I ain’t never seen you with a girlfriend before? All you ever do is dog girls out and move on to the next. And I can tell you lonely and you want someone to care about. You just don’t have the heart to admit it.
I’m a keep it 4200 hundred withchu. I am lonely. And I do want somebody to care about. I’m gettin’ older and older by the day. It’s about that time I find somebody I care about and have a couple of pits. I ain’t just found the right one yet.
That’s good to hear. But I really wanna go out with Nu Nu and I’m asking your permission. I’m ready to be faithful. I wanna be your sister’s knight and shining armor. I wanna be able to express my feelings to her. I want to be her everything.
BULL (starts laughing)
Pit you sound like a straight sucka! Who you tryin’ to lie to? I’m a playa. I’m yo big bruh. You learned how to be a playa from me.
PIT (begins growling)
For real? You gone laugh at me? I’m tryin’ to express my feelings to you and let you know how I feel.
(Both pitbulls stand on all fours. DJ Spunkz song ‘Turn Up’ comes on in the parking lot of their building. BULL starts jumping around on all four legs barking.)
I love that song. DJ Spunkz my lil bruh. He gone make it one day. But back to you and my sister. It seems like you serious and you really care about her. But I don’t wanna see her get hurt. So I’m gonna hafta say NO.
Man, what I gotta do to prove to you that I really changed? Word around Pit Town you let Big Head Queeze, the rottwelier, go out with your sister for 2 T-Bone steaks.
BULL (starts to laugh)
Man that ain’t what happened. He let me go out with his sister, Stacy, the poodle with the cute, green eyes and I let him go out with Nu Nu. But that didn’t work out well.
Are you serious? Everybody around Pit Town had Stacy. I just had Stacy last night.
See that’s exactly why I’m not going to let you go out with Nu Nu.
Man, you can’t take a joke? You been playin’ with me all day. Now you wanna get serious?(Both pitbulls begin growling and drooling.) Bull, I don’t really know how to explain how I feel because I never been in love before and I really don’t know how to express my feelings. This is all new to me. But I’m tryin’ and I’m tryin’ to change my ways. I’m tired of dogging girls out. I just want to treat Nu Nu like the queen she is and if I could do that, that would really change me from being a young pit. When you’re a young pit you make dumb choices, but when you’re a grown pit, you’re wiser and you see things clearer like the love I have for Nu Nu.
You know Pit, I never thought I’d see the day you become a grown pit? You proved to me today that you really changed your way. But I still can’t let you se Nu Nu because when I see you I see me and I know how I am and I was your age once. And I thought I was in love plenty of times. But you know what it was? It was my mind playin’ tricks on me.
(PIT and BULL both stand up and 10 chihuahuas come around the corner barking at both of them and let off 10 shots. And PIT and BULL both get hit in the head three times as they are both gasping for their last breaths.)
PIT (barely breathing)
I’m sorry I couldn’t meet your expectations. I really loved your sister but I guess it’s too late now.
Yeah, Pit it is too late. I was just about to change my mind. I guess we’ll never know what true love is.