DANGEROUS SNEAKED

 

By

Kenya C.

CHARACTERS:  Dangerous the Atomic Bomb, male, age 17 years old
                         Sneaky A.K.A. “Sneaks” the Safe Box, male, age 19 years old, His cousin


SETTING:         In Columbia, in the mountains between tall outrageous trees. There’s thick clouds, coca plantas, and a bunch of fat Nasty Rodents. They hear raindrops, footsteps. There’s a                         strong breeze

TIME:              12:00 pm, Winter

AT RISE:         Sneaks is waking up and starts singing his mornig song, Boosie’s “Devils  Get Up Off Me, Devils Get Up Off Me” Atomic Bomb gets up Disgusted, and is tired of his cousin’s                          off-beat raps.


 
DANGEROUS
Come on man, you’re off-beat, get it together. Why can’t you respect my mind in the morning for once, and shut up

 

SNEAKY A.K.A. “SNEAKS”

Respect MY mind, and listen to them words. Boosie is as real as they come, know nothing is going to change. That’s how my morning gets going

 

DANGEROUS

I hear you man. Just give me a break at least ONE morning. I need my ‘good-looking’ sleep.

 

SNEAKY A.K.A. “SNEAKS”
You’re a Bomb! No disrespect, but you’re ugly, and as vicious as they come. Understand me cousin.
 
DANGEROUS
(talks to audience)

Man, last night I was trying to talk to my so-called cousin, about my wonderful news I came across. I heard the general sayin’ that he was going to use me in the war!

I been waiting for this moment about 17 years –and my cousin didn’t want to hear none of it. I think what really killed the situation is when I farted three times. Now hey, they slipped out, it wasn’t intentional!

But I was trying to let him know how important this was, my dreams were finally coming true! I was about to be a legend and stop all the chaos! Sneaks wasn’t interested at all –and the worst attitude. I totally needed some sleep, because he had rained on my parade.

SNEAKY A.K.A. “SNEAKS”
(still talking to Dangerous
Remember when I used to wake you up early from your li’l kid naps, to smell them famous Columbia cigars? …mann them was some good days. Now those cheap men just smoke cigarettes, shake my head!
 
DANGEROUS
Don’t try and throw me off with them back-down-memory-lane stories. You’re going to listen to me today, whether you like it or not.

 

SNEAKY A.K.A. “SNEAKS”
It’s ridiculous, that’s why I don’t want to hear it. Who wants to blow themselves up and hope they become a legend? Doesn’t make any sense, once your li’l pea-brain  give it some thought. Then we could talk.
 
DANGEROUS
That’s the thing! I been giving it thought for 17 years !!
 
SNEAKY A.K.A. “SNEAKS”
Let me hear this master plan then.
 
DANGEROUS
Finally! So I been wondering, if I was used in this war, I could make a difference in this country, maybe even the world. Then if I stop this chaos I would become a legend –not a hero, a legend. You see, heroes are forgotten about after a while, a legend is remembered and brought up in family stories.
 
SNEAKY A.K.A. “SNEAKS”
Key word: ‘used’, Dangerous. After you’re ‘used’ there is no coming back. Don’t you get that? Gosh.

 

DANGEROUS

It’s my choice. Don’t you think I thought about that? I’m not worried about coming back. I’m a bomb, that’s my job. Don’t you understand that, Sneaks? You’re so selfish sometimes.

 

SNEAKY A.K.A. “SNEAKS”

The more you talk about (wiining)  this war, the more I think you’re actually losing your mind.

 

DANGEROUS
Guess what? Take you and your so-called wonderful ideas, and go smell some Columbia cigars. My mind is set and that’s it.

 

SNEAKY A.K.A. “SNEAKS”

You know, I didn’t want to hear this anyway. YOU  insisted on this conversation, right or wrong? Let me answer that for you –right!!!

 

DANGEROUS

You make me feel so old some times, with all these naps you got me taking. You like to argue like we’re married. For god sakes, we’re cousins!

( he talks to audience)

That nap ended up with me ‘sleepin’ all day. I couldn’t believe it, that cousin of mine is a handful. But check this: once I woke up I felt me and my cousin being lifted! This meant the time was coming.

When we came to a stop I heard secret codes, and a lot of shaking. They were about to release me from this box!

(to Sneaks)

Cuz!! Cuz!! My time is coming, they hit my timer. I’m set.

 

SNEAKY A.K.A. “SNEAKS”

What, are you serious? This can’t be happening!

 

DANGEROUS

Well it is. I love you, Cuz. Tell my family, I said I will meet them in the never-lands. I told you this day was coming.

 
SNEAKY A.K.A. “SNEAKS”
Love you too man (whispering) You’re not going nowhere, no time soon.

 

DANGEROUS

What was that, cuz?

 

SNEAKY A.K.A. “SNEAKS”

I said I love you man, and I’m a miss you.

 

DANGEROUS

Don’t forget what I said – I’m about to be a legend.
(a few seconds go by, nothing happens. Beat)
 
DANGEROUS
What?! I’m not exploding.
 
SNEAKY A.K.A. “SNEAKS”
What happen?

 

DANGEROUS
I’m still here, that’s what happen.

 

SNEAKY A.K.A. “SNEAKS”

Look cousin, I ain’t trying to see you go out like that. We been together too long for you to just explode and be forgotten.

 

DANGEROUS
Now you want to tell me this, and now I don’t want to hear it.

 

SNEAKY A.K.A. “SNEAKS”

You –look, listen up, don’t be mad…

 

DANGEROUS

What can you say to make me any madder?

 

SNEAKY A.K.A. “SNEAKS”

I cut –well, actually ‘chewed’ your main wire.

 

DANGEROUS

You what? How could you? You actually sneaked your own blood-cousin. We are through!

 
SNEAKY A.K.A. “SNEAKS”
Listen up —

 

DANGEROUS

No, we are done, officially done. Nada. We are nothing.

You knew how big this was to me, and you took your time to chew on me while I was asleep! You dirty…Safe Box.

 

SNEAKY A.K.A. “SNEAKS”

I’m sorry man. I wasn’t trying to be alone, that’s all — understand that?

 

DANGEROUS

Whatever man. We are through. You’re too much for me.

 

THE END …?

 

OR

 

SNEAKY A.K.A. “SNEAKS”

(to audience)
I always felt I was close with my cousin, Dangerous. We always discussed everything before either of us attempted to do anything. Until he came to me with some bull, talking about he’s trying to get himself into this war.

Once I found this news out, I was petrified for my little cousin. He really didn’t understand what he was getting himself into. He was acting so different. I can tell his mind was set, and there wasn’t no changing it.

If I was able to talk to him beforehand, I’m pretty sure he would’ve at least had a second thought. But as soon as Dangerous smelled my attitude, he left the conversation alone. Only if I could tell him how I felt …it wasn’t me hatin’ on him, because I’m pretty sure that’s what he’ thinking. It was simply me just caring for my little cousin.

 

THE END

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