A Play by Franklin

CHARACTERS:

Steve the Female Roach:  Age 934 Million Years Old.  It has been living on the rock (aka Mean) for 150 million years.

Mean the Meteorite (Shooting Star)  Age 50 billion years.   Mean is a part of a giant planet.  A star exploded near the planets and now Mean zips through space.  He is a piece of a planet.   He is about half the size of earth’s moon.

Narrator

SETTING:

is on Mean, the giant Meteorite.

TIME: Mean is only a few days away from a good planet suitable for Steve.
AT RISE:

Steve is on the Rock.   Steve is walking around all over the rock.


STEVE
Hey Mean.

MEAN
What?

STEVE
            (Asking nervously.)
I need to ask you a question.

MEAN
What?

STEVE
You know…we’re only a few days away from that orange, yellowy and white planet up ahead.   You told me that planet has life on it right?  Like a good place for me to live?

MEAN
(Pause.)
I never told you it would be a “good” place for you but…I guess you could survive there.

STEVE
…well…I kind of want to go live there.  From how you described it before it seems like a really good place for someone like me to live.

MEAN
The majority of the air is Rixotin, you would barely survive there.   Also, all the creatures are merely floating…things of liquid oxygen with other elements I have never even known.

STEVE
But you have told me that at least 30% of the atmosphere is sulfur, which is what I need.   Also even though there may be deadly creatures that shouldn’t even be considered, it is a terrestrial planet, and I can survive that.  I can eat almost anything.  I have even been eating parts of you for the last millions of years.  I can adapt.

MEAN
(Pause.)
If you are so sure to adapt, what is wrong with me?  Like you have said I have been feeding you.  Producing your sulfur gas that you need.  I have taught you things your people would never guess at.

STEVE
Yes…yes but you have to understand that these things aren’t enough.   You have been teaching me things, yes.   Keeping me alive and well, yes.   But this isn’t the way I’m supposed to live.  I want to see the sunlight and I mean sunlight coming from a near star shining into the atmosphere of a live planet.   I want to communicate with other beings and be within an actual atmosphere.

MEAN
I can understand that nonsense.   I almost forgot such a simple creature like you experiences emotions.   I have nothing to say about that.  But you act as if you were the only thing alive here.   I want to reach the end of the universe.  I want to travel forever if that is possible.   I want to see what is beyond this complex universe from what I know.   What kind of meteor doesn’t want to reach the beyond?   Now you ask me to end my eternal life in a few days so you can finish off your pathetic life within only a few million more years for simple emotion?  And then those wasted years pass, you’re off to die as well?  This makes no sense.

STEVE
(Hysterical, almost to tears.)
I KNOW I’M GOING TO DIE ONE DAY!    I know I might not even like that planet!   But how dare you call my life a worthless sack of shit* that will one day be even worthless enough to just be thrown away?! (Softer, harsher)  (Pause.)  So all this time this is what you’ve thought of me?   Some invaluable… “thing” that takes up space on you?   And all I’m useful for is to be used like some tape recorder you talk into?

MEAN
Well…I don’t exactly care.

STEVE
Oh my fucking God.*   You are so incredibly ignorant!  Don’t act like you don’t care!  I know you care!  Maybe not as much as I thought but I know you have some feelings.   (Pause.)  I never thought you were like this.

MEAN
You don’t even know the other half.

STEVE
Who the hell are you?    You’re such a…mean piece of shit.*   Are all of you like this?  Are you all stupid floating rocks like this?!   Mean rocks, mean rocks, everything!

MEAN
(Pause.)   Look.   It’s not that I want you to die and it’s not even that I don’t care, it’s just that I’m not gonna die for you.  If I was saving a thousand meteors, that, would be something to die for.   But you?   The pathetic life form that is always into something?

STEVE
Please!   If you come with me we can just live on the planet instead, and it’s not like you would die instantly.  You would live for billions of more years, long after my death.   You see!   Even though it’s possible to live forever, you can still crash into some huge planet inevitable to escape!   You can rush straight into a black hole!  Meteors as old as you don’t even exist that much!

NARRATOR
They argued and now Mean the Meteor is heading for the planet.   It is only about an hour before they enter the atmosphere.

STEVE
Hey Mean…

MEAN
Yeah.

STEVE
Thanks.  Thank you for this.   You don’t know how much this means to me.  You are so kind.   I don’t know how I can possibly ever repay you. …I don’t know, this just means so much to me…thank you…

MEAN
(Long pause.)
Steve.
STEVE
Yeah?

MEAN
Sike!

(MEAN veers past the planet and passes the last galaxy.)

THE END
*”sack of shit” can be “sack of crap”, oh my fucking god can be “oh my…oh my god.” And “piece of shit” can be “piece of crap”…all reluctant modifications made by Franklin.

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