The Complicated Situation

 

 

                                                                                                                   01/31/2015

 

                                                                                                                    by Luciano V.


Characters:

Slimy, the Frog – male, age 23

Pinky, the Pig – male, age 27, his cousin

 

Setting:  At City Hall.  Afternoon, around 12:30pm


 

SLIMY

(Going toward the phone to make a phone call.)  [RING-RING! RING-RING!]

Hello?  Is this Pinky the Pig? 

PINKY

Yes – Who is this?

SLIMY

This is your younger cousin, Slimy.  I need your help, cousin –

PINKY

What is it?!

SLIMY

Can you help me out?  And spot me at the gym?

 

PINKY

Ah – If I only had a meal, I would help you out, li’l cuz, because I’m hungry.

SLIMY

Ahright, big cuz – I got a deal for you.

PINKY

And what’s that?

SLIMY

I’ll invite you to dinner – aka McDonalds – but just the dollar menu.

PINKY

Oh, that sounds like a good idea.  But I’m lookin’ for a Big Mac, which is not on the dollar menu.

SLIMY

Oh, I don’t know, man . . .

PINKY

Oh, that’s a good idea because you want me to help you out and I want something valuable.  I want the meal to be valuable.  I want it to be worth my time.

SLIMY

Oh – OK, I’ll think about it – I’ll give you a call in 30 minutes. (Hangs up.)

I’m stressin’ – because I want tot be successful but right now I’m at my office  – aka City Hall.  Where I should be at is the gym, flexin’ and finessin’.  But I’m at the no-flex zone right now, because I don’t have the muscles.  Makes me feel insecure and uncertain, torn apart.  I ‘m ashamed because I don’t have the muscles to actually – not feel frightened of anything.  Besides death.  Makes me feel unsure of what’s going on because I might lose my life.  For example – I’m frightened of guns, because that can take my life away.  I don’t know what’s going to happen next, besides ending up in a cemetery, 6 feet under.  But until then, I’m gonna take some vitamins and get back to my flex zone.  If only I would have somebody to spot me –

(Slimy is looking for some change – looking under the sofa, under the bed and his dresser. 

PINKY

I want to stand out from others.  Because I want to change colors.  So I can present my mood.  If it was blue, I would be mad.  If it was green I would be happy.  I want stand out from the crowd of pigs on Frisco Farm.  I want to feel different from the crowd.  I don’t know . . . Frog’s in the way because he doesn’t believe in me . . . He’s worrying about himself.  He’s trying to get buff, he’s trying to get strong.  And he’s on his own.  I’m on the farm and I feel like I’m too far from my friend, Slimy the Frog.  I feel strange – I don’t know.  This is just a dream and I need to wake up to reality and know that I can’t change colors even though I want to . . . I would go to the nearest Walgreen’s or hair salon and get my hair dyed – instead of changing my moods into colors.  And I would want to bleach my body into blonde and the rest – the other half – blue to represent my health and green for the environment – the blonde for coolness.  My friend, Slimy the Frog, he’s jealous because he can’t get his body dyed, because he’s a frog.  I’m trying to emulate – in a way – to be like Michael Jackson . . .

 (Slimy calls Pinky back again.)

[RING-RING! RING-RING! RING-RING!!]

PINKY

Hello?

SLIMY

You got a deal – only because I have enough money for your meal.

PINKY

Awhright – Where you at?

SLIMY

I’m at home.  Meet me here PRONTO!  And I’ll let security open the door for you.

PINKY

Awhright – I’ll be there.

(Pinky comes up from the stairs and sees his little cousin.)

Whazzup li’l cuz?

 

 

SLIMY

Nun, big cuz –

(They shake ‘hands’.)

Awhright, follow me this way.

PINKY

Oh- Where we going?  Because the gym’s down the street –

SLIMY

Oh – I have a gym in my house – no need to worry.

(They go downstairs.)

PINKY

Your house is pretty big, dude.

SLIMY

Oh, thanks man.

(They go in the gym room, where they see weights, running machines, showers in the back.  Pinky is impressed.)

Oh, yeah.  Could you come help me bench-press this 500 weight?

PINKY

Awhright.

(Piggy gets in front of him and spots him. 

Slimy puts the weights back up on the rack.)

PINKY (continued)

Awhright, man.  I did it.  I did what you wanted me to do.  Now I’m done, so can I have my meal?  Or can I have the cash and I’ll go buy it myself?  ‘Cause I’m hungry–

 

SLIMY

Awhright, man, you don’t have to rush it.  (He hands him some change.)

PINKY

Some coins?!  I thought you were talkin’ about dollar bills!

SLIMY

Awhright, man, I’m sorry – I cut a deal – an even better one.  Only if you want to –

PINKY

What is it?

SLIMY

Could you help me out?  And train?

PINKY

I would, but I have to leave –

SLIMY

Awhright – You could stay at my house and freeload off my refrigerator –

 

PINKY

Man – I just don’t want my little cousin to get stronger than me.

SLIMY

Oh, man, I just wanna be strong like you, because I’m tired of being bullied and I wanna be the strongest, and successful mayor that could be.

PINKY

Awhright, man.  I’m jealous because I want attention, too.  You’re gonna  be the mayor and people are gonna look up to you, while I have no attention at all.

SLIMY

I’m sorry!  Why are telling me this now?

PINKY

Because I didn’t feel comfortable.

SLIMY

Why don’t you feel comfortable?

PINKY

Because of you – I don’t want to train my little cousin because you’ll be bigger than me.

SLIMY

Well, we could both train at the same time . . .

 

PINKY

That’s a good idea, but I’m not sure.

SLIMY

Why not?

PINKY

Because you’re still gonna have the attention.  That’s why I’m jealous of you, li’l cuz.

SLIMY

Nah – Everything’s good man.  Don’t think like that.  Just think positive on yourself, and don’t doubt yourself, because I don’t want my big cousin to be jealous of his little cousin.  Because you’re way cooler than me and popular than me  –

PINKY

Well – you got a point – and I don’t know why I am still jealous . . .

SLIMY

I get it – Sometimes it just has to be like that.  Because I want to be a successful and strong mayor and I don’t wanna be a punk like I was before.

PINKY

What happens if you don’t become mayor?

 

SLIMY

It doesn’t hurt to try.  Just like I want you to help me train.  I’m not gonna stop until I get an answer –

 

PINKY

Well  . . . You’re right.  Whatever, dude.  I’m OUT. 

(STOMP, STOMP, STOMP – Pinky is going up the stairs angry ad sad and disappointed.  It starts raining.)

 

THE END

 

 MONOLOGUES

 

MONOLOGUE #1/ SLIMY, the FROG

I’m stressin’ – because I want tot be successful but right now I’m at my office  – aka City Hall.  Where I should be at is the gym, flexin’ and finessin’.  But I’m at the no-flex zone right now, because I don’t have the muscles.  Makes me feel insecure and uncertain, torn apart.  I ‘m ashamed because I don’t have the muscles to actually – not feel frightened of anything.  Besides death.  Makes me feel unsure of what’s going on because I might lose my life.  For example – I’m frightened of guns, because that can take my life away .  I don’t know what’s going to happen next, besides ending up in a cemetery, 6 feet under.  But until then, I’m gonna take some vitamins and get back to my flex zone.  If only I would have somebody to spot me – aka my cousin Pinky the Piggy.  But he’s too busy . . . ‘cause he’s trying to change colors.  That makes me very upset and offended, ‘cause that’s my family member, and I thought it was family first but it doesn’t seem like it . . .  Because he’s not offering to help.  I would try to convince my cousin to help me out – in the gym – by inviting him to dinner – aka McDonalds.  Only the dollar-menu.  I don’t know . . . He’s a pig.  He might be like, “I want a Big Mac,” and that’s more than a dollar . . . But I’ll work something out because I look after my family unlike others –

 

 

MONOLOGUE #2/ PINKY the PIG

I want to stand out from others.  Because I want to change colors.  So I can present my mood.  If it was blue, I would be mad.  If it was green I would be happy.  I want stand out from the crowd of pigs on Frisco Farm.  I want to feel different from the crowd.  I don’t know. . . Frog’s in the way because he doesn’t believe in me. . . He’s worrying about himself.  He’s trying to get buff, he’s trying to get strong.  And he’s on his own.  I’m on the farm and I feel like I’m too far from my friend, Slimy the Frog.  I feel strange – I don’t know.  This is just a dream and I need to wake up to reality and know that I can’t change colors even though I want to . . . I would go to the nearest  Walgreen’s or hair salon and get my hair dyed – instead of changing my moods into colors.  And I would  want to bleach my body into blonde and the rest – the other half – blue to represent my health and green for the environment – the blonde for coolness.  My friend, Slimy the Frog, he’s jealous because he can’t get his body dyed, because he’s a frog.  I’m trying to emulate – in a way – to be like Michael Jackson . . .

 

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