THE FAST LANE

By RAHEEM

 

9/23/2012

version 2

 

CHARACTERS: LAVISH LEXUS OFF THE LOT, a female Lexus – age: off the lot

DOUBLE R THE ROLLS ROYCE, male Rolls Royce – age: fresh from the factory

 

SETTING: Side by side double parked in the METREON Parking Lot right on top of Mel’s Diner. The Sounds of the other cars driving by looking for parking. The Smell of Rubber from the                         rushing commuters. The look of fog from San Francisco’s silly

                weather.

 

TIME: Fall morning. 9AM.

 

AT RISE: DOUBLE R is listening to and singing along to music. TheRolls Royce is parked in the middle of the parking lot by by itself, singing happily…


 

DOUBLE R

(singing)

I could picture us drivin’ in the

rain going eighty in a thirty lane,

we pull over to the parkin’ looot,

Union Square is my favorite

spooot…

 

LEXUS pulls up slappin’:

“I got six twelves, you could tell,

I got six twelves, you could tell,

I got six twelves, you could tell”

 

LEXUS

Boy, what I tell you about singin’

that loud. I heard you all the way

from 6th and Howard. I thought

something was wrong.

 

DOUBLE R

Haha, you got jokes, Lex, I heard

that gangsta music before you past

the Chronicle buildin’, you gonna

get a ticket for disturbing the

pace.

 

LEXUS

Boy, stop! I miss you, Royce. Where

you was at last night? Give me a

kiss.

 

DOUBLE R

(sarcastic)

Uh uh baby, you need to get yo

grill fix.

 

LEXUS

Haha Royce, you always jokin’. You

love me tho. Quit postponin’ my

question. Where was you at last

night?

 

DOUBLE R

Damn, Lex, you always on my bumper.

Quit tail gatin’ me. Where was you

at last night?

 

LEXUS

I was at the carshow wit ma sister,

Audi. Quit trippin’. What about

you, where you was at? My sis said

she seen you double parked with

Mercedes from Pac Heights.

 

DOUBLE R

Man, that’s ludicrous. You know yo

sister don’t like me.

 

LEXUS

Why do you think my sister don’t

like you? Is it because she always

see you all up in Mercedes grill? I

can’t put up with your conceited

and cocky ways forever…

 

LEXUS continues to speak but her voice is now muted. DOUBLE

R begins to address the audience in an ASIDE.

 

DOUBLE R

That ain’t true, that is not true,

but it is true. Look I been

chillin’ with this other piece of

metal, but she not just any piece

of metal, she’s fabulous with big

head lights and a lot of junk in

her trunk, that’s not the only

thing that’s attractin’ me tho. I’m

in love with her personality and

addicted to her presence. She

understands me unlike

Lexus. Because of me Lexus made it

out of the pick and pull projects.

Her mom was a gas guzzler and

addicted to Pennzoil so I took her

under my wing…

LEXUS begins to snap her fingers, once, twice – ASIDE ends.

 

LEXUS

Hello! Hello! Are you even

listening to me? Royce, what happen

to us? We used to be like Jay Z and

Beyonce, Will Smith and Jada

Pinket, Angelina and Brad… we

used to do everything together.

Remember, we used to ride back and

forth on the Golden Gate, cruise

down Lombard. I miss –

 

DOUBLE R

Cut da crap, Lex. You always

putting everything on me. You the

one changed. You been ridin’ with

your sister every night to all the

side shows and car shows. That’s

not the Lex I remember. You never

wanted to hang out with yo sister.

You should be able to see how she

turning you against me. Oh and I

heard about that head on collision

you had with Ferrari… and

crashin’ at his spot… and and

what about…

 

DOUBLE R continues to speak but his voice is now muted.

LEXUS begins to address the audience in an ASIDE.

 

LEXUS

Damn, the streets always talkin’.

Look, that is not true but it kinda

is. It wasn’t a head on collision,

it was a hit and run. Royce been

actin’ like a bucket head astro

lately. He need to see it from my

perspective. We go way back like

four flats on a Cadillac. If I

loose Royce, I’m gonna be

worthless. Royce understands where

I’m coming from. I was raised in

the project. My mom was sellin’ her

parts and addicted to anti-freeze.

I can’t explain to him that I gotta

look out for me… because if he

leave me I will be nothing… and I

know he will, eventually.

ASIDE ends.

 

DOUBLE R

See, you never did listen to me,

but like I was sayin’, it’s either

my way or the highway, baby. The

road ends now, I think we should go

our separate ways –

LEXUS cuts him off.

 

LEXUS

Royce, no.

DOUBLE R

Don’t cut me off. You know I got

road rage. Lexus, you used to be

everything to me… but now you

changed for the worst, you started

feeling all skeptical about our

relationship. When we came up and

all eyes were on me. Ever since we

made it to the big league you been

acting so insecure about yourself,

and you keep askin’ why I’m with

you, that I can do better and how a

Rolls Royce and a Lexus ain’t made

for each other.

 

LEXUS

You need to see it from my

perspective. Lately, you been so

distant. This make me feel bothered

and nervous. I love you so much but

sometimes when I ride by your side

you make me feel so cheap. “All

eyes on you.” I’m a Lexus, just a

Toyota inside. You’re a Rolls

Royce. You could do way better than

me.

 

DOUBLE R

You must understand, we still the

same cars, just in a new

environment, and I feel the same

about you as I did in the projects.

And the feelings should be mutual,

but they’re divergent, you don’t

feel the same. So maybe I should

drive away. Do you want to be with

me or not?

LEXUS is quite for a moment.

 

DOUBLE R

You hear me?!

 

LEXUS

Royce, is it that serious…

everything we been through. All the

time we put in this, you willin’ to

throw it all away and just forget

it that fast…

 

DOUBLE R

I know, Lexus, this is hard for me,

too. But if I stay my dignity will

be degraded. I love you with all my

battery… but I don’t know, I

think this is the best for both of

us.

 

LEXUS

Maybe you right Royce. If you

decide to leave, just know you will

always have a part in my engine.

 

DOUBLE R

Alright, Lexus, and that feelin’ is

vice versa. I just need time to get

my hood right, maybe I just need a

break but I’ll call yo navigator if

I make my mind up, all gas no

brakes.

 

DOUBLE R skirts off.

END

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