A ROCK AND A HARD SPOT
02/27/2016
By
Byron Reed
CHARACTERS: RANDY the Rose, age 16 ANDREA the Earthquake, age 17
SETTING: The sidewalk of the worst neighborhood in Alaska. All along the sidewalk there are abandoned cars, trash, and stray cats. The apartment buildings are grayish blue. The air is filled with mist and it feels cold even though the sun is setting.
TIME: Present day, beginning of the 30 days of darkness. Winter.
AT RISE: RANDY is going over his game plan to break up with his girlfriend ANDREA.
_____________________________________________________
RANDY
Come on man, you gotta get it together or else it’ll never work. Wassup Andrea. We need to talk for a minute… It’s not you it’s me… I mean it’s your anger. No. I mean… (frustrated) man this will never work. You know what, I’m just going to cut it to her straight. No sugarcoating, just keepin it real. Yeah that’s what I’ll do, keep it real. That’ll work.
(ANDREA enters, she’s happy so she’s only a Category 1.)
ANDREA
Hey Randy, I’ve missed you terribly. I’ve been thinkin about you all week.
RANDY
(Trying to play it cool) I missed you too babe. I’m glad you stopped by as planned. How was your week?
ANDREA
It was alright, but it would’ve been better if you was there. How’s every thing going with… um… (looking up towards the sky) you know, your dad. Any luck?
RANDY
Not really. I mean he’s been up there all day just shining away, as expected. But he hasn’t showed the least bit of interest in me (sigh).
ANDREA
Just stay optimistic and I’m sure he’ll come around to noticing you. You know that old saying, “Slow progress is better than no progress.”
RANDY
Yeah, I hear you but I’ve been out of the concrete for 16 years now. You know what, at the rate he’s going I’ll be dead and lying on the concrete before he even THINKS to notice me. `
ANDREA
You know Randy, I wasn’t going to bring it up again but you haven’t been looking too healthy this past month.
RANDY
Yeah I heard you the first 5 times Andrea. I’m feeling fine, really. Now would you leave it alone already.
ANDREA
(Impatiently) NO!!! I will not leave it alone until I’m positive you’re in good health. I can’t bear losing you Randy!!!
(Ground starts shaking a little.)
Randy you’re the missing piece of the puzzle that completes me. With you I feel so peaceful and wanted that there’s no way I’ll get angry anymore. The rest of the world makes me feel so neglected because they never want me around. A lot of people has labeled me the official “Party Pooper.” I’m really longing to feel loved and wanted. Nobody can make me feel that way but you Randy.
RANDY
(Trying to calm her down) Woah, Woah, Woah, Andrea calm down babe. I was just trying to let you know I feel fine. Honestly I feel great babe, there’s no reason to worry.
ANDREA
Randy, can you promise me you’ll at least tell me when you’re not feeling good? I need you and I love you Randy. Can’t you see I just wanna see your bright green stem and bright red petals.
RANDY
Yeah Andrea I understand you’re concerned about me and I appreciate it. Really, I do, but you have to chill and let me worry about my health. As far as you losing me goes, death is inevitable babe. We were born to die. It’s about the only thing on earth we’re promised. And plus, there’s more than 100 ways you could possibly lose me.
ANDREA
I know Randy, I know. Death is inevitable, but that don’t mean you have to welcome it. I don’t know about you but I don’t want to be a 17 year old widow.
RANDY
Have you noticed it’s the beginning of the 30 days of night Alaska is famous for?
ANDREA
Yeah, but where’d that come from?
RANDY
I’ve been calculating the outcome and possibilities of me surviving 30 days of total darkness… No vitamin d for 30 straight days.
ANDREA
Yeah I see where you’re coming from and I’ve been giving it a little thought also, but it’s never been a problem in the past. Why should we worry about the 30 days of night this time around?
RANDY
Well… um… I haven’t been getting a lot of sunlight lately due to his lack of attention. My father is the sun for chrissakes but he’s always so busy providing for the world that he barely recognizes me. I hate the shade because it feels like he’s neglecting me and leaving me in the cold shadow.
ANDREA
(Interrupts) I knew it!
RANDY
But! … I’m sure it’s not showing externally so your assumptions has been wrong.
ANDREA
I don’t want to sit here and waste time by arguing. Do you have any idea what time it is? If we’re going to get your father’s attention we’re gonna have to do it now. As in RIGHT NOW!
RANDY
Yeah… but here’s the thing. I’m going to have to get his attention without your help.
ANDREA
What –
RANDY
Let me finish. Andrea… I love you dearly. Honestly, I do. But your anger is going to hurt the situation not help. So its best if –
ANDREA
Wait. What do you mean “it’s best.” My anger hasn’t been a problem in the past so that’s obviously not the problem. So what is it Randy?
RANDY
Honestly Andrea it has everything to do with your anger. Take a look around. You’ve noticed everything about me and nothing about our surroundings.
ANDREA
What are you getting at Randy?
RANDY
(Growing frustrated) What am I getting at? Look at the ground, the concrete, the pavement for God’s sake. Notice the way it’s all cracked and unsturdy. You’re the reason it’s like that Andrea.
ANDREA
(In denial) NO
RANDY
Yes. From all those past attempts at getting my dad’s attention and you getting angry. Only reason I haven’t brought it up sooner is because I know how insecure you are about your anger.
ANDREA
You’re wrong Randy. You’ve never been more wrong in your entire life.
RANDY
Please Andrea I don’t have enough time to get my dad’s attention. Please just leave. This relationship will never work because you’ll be the reason I’ll slip back into this horrible concrete. Just leave I only have about 2 minutes until the sun sets and my plan takes 1 minute minimum.
ANDREA
(Getting angry) NO!!! I will not leave Randy! I will not lose you and I surely won’t be the reason!! We’re going to –
(Ground starts shaking.)
RANDY
Andrea –
ANDREA
NO!! The concrete won’t be the reason you die. Your Father will!!
(Ground starts breaking.)
RANDY
Andrea the concrete!!!
(The concrete starts breaking but instead of sending RANDY back into the horrible darkness of the concrete, it lifts the dirt he’s in up about 3 feet off the ground. Due to the shakiness Andrea’s anger is causing, it looks like RANDY is dancing by shaking left to right, which causes the sun, his father, to finally notice him and 20 seconds before he’s due to set he shines his sunlight on RANDY and only RANDY.)
Dad, oh my God, Dad I love you. I always did and I always will. We have some catching up to do 30 days from now. He smiled!! Andrea he smiled at me before he set. Did you see it? We did it.
ANDREA
Yeah, I thought I’d never see the day. Wait what do you mean “we”? As in “we did it”?
RANDY
It was part of my plan to get you angry all along!! I mean yeah it was a long shot but either way I was going to die if I didn’t get his attention, because of my vitamin d count. We’ve already tried everything else there is to try. I always knew your anger was a blessing in disguise. Now we can get married and live happily ever after.
ANDREA
Really?
RANDY
Yeah, really.
THE END
