SOMETHING TO REMEMBER BY EDWARD S.
CHARACTERS: HOPE the COAL, 16 years old SHINE the DIAMOND, 85 years old, Shine’s grandfather SETTING: Venice Beach, summer TIME: 11:45 am AT RISE: HOPE is in a bag of coal, asleep. SHINE is in a display case, amazed by the celebrities he sees.
SHINE Hope! Get your dusty ass up! Look, my wife, Kim Kardashian here and she’s giving me the eye. (laughs)
HOPE (grumbles) Old man, you trippin’. Go back to sleep. (mumbles) Pervert.
(The bag is ripped open. HOPE jumps up.)
HOPE What the hell?!
SHINE Ha ha! Told ya, punk. Back to me, though. I got a good feeling today. I think I’m going to get my chance of fame! All the better if Kim gets me. It feels like just yesterday she was with Ray J, then Reggie Bush, then Kris Humphries…
HOPE (mumbles)
SHINE What you say?
HOPE Nothing. Just thinking about something. Hey, what’s that smell?
SHINE Huh? Oh, they cooking BBQ.
HOPE What?!
SHINE Don’t get your panties in a twist. Your bag’s half full. They aren’t going to get to you.
HOPE Put on your glasses! There’s only about two more scoops until they get to me!
(SHINE put his glasses on)
SHINE OOuu man it ain’t looking too great for you. But man, look at her- that long hair, cute face, plumped lips and she got a fat—
HOPE Grandpa!
SHINE What? I was going to say finger.
(Another scoop of coal goes into the pit.)
HOPE Not that. I’m about to get thrown in the fire! It’s like you don’t care about your own grandson! I hope- I hope Lil Wayne buys you.
SHINE (Gasps) How could you? I raised you. I saved your life countless of times and now you wish Lil Wayne gets me. He wears leopard leggings and neon uggs and he always scratching his crusty ass. How could you wish that on me?
HOPE I’m sorry I didn’t mean to. But ever since you got Diamonditis, you act like all you care about is getting famous.
SHINE I know, I know. It’s just, I’m dying kiddo. I ain’t got much time. Looking back, I ain’t do nothing with my life. Just sat around and collected dust. When I finally do pass, nobody going to think about me or reminisce about good times we had. That’s why I want to be on Kim’s hand so bad. So I can get my shine on even for a little bit.
HOPE Oh my God. It’s all because of me you sacrificed your freedom because you had to stick around a take care of me and keep me from getting thrown in the pit. I’m so sorry, Grandpa. You know I love you. I don’t want to hold you back anymore. Go on. I can take care of myself.
SHINE All right. See ya! (looks at Hope) Ahaha! I’m just playin’. You know I’m not going to abandon you.
(The last scoop of coal before Hope goes into the pit)
HOPE (smiles) You’re a piece of work, you know that? But look it’s too late now. I’ve had a good life. Short, but fulfilling. It’s sad though, you think you were so useless. All I ever wanted was to be a diamond like you.
SHINE Really?
HOPE Come on, Grandpa. For one, you’re the funniest diamond I know.
SHINE Don’t forget handsome. (smiles)
HOPE HaHa. And what I love most about you is you put family first, even though we don’t deserve your love.
SHINE (sobs) I love you, little booger. That’s why you need to live on. (pause) I know how to turn you into a diamond.
HOPE HaHa. Very funny.
SHINE Trust me. But you got to promise me no matter what you go through you do what I say and to start a family and live your life to the fullest.
HOPE Wait what–
SHINE Promise me?
HOPE Okay I promise.
(SHINE begins to crack.)
HOPE Grandpa! What are you doing?!
SHINE What’s it look like? Look, when I turn into dust, you’ll turn into a beautiful diamond.
(cracks begin to spread)
HOPE No! I change my mind! Don’t leave me!
SHINE I love you, Hope. Shine bright, kiddo.
(SHINE turns to dust. Pieces of HOPE begin to fall off. A beautiful diamond emerges. The auction starts. Kim Kardashian buys Hope for a quarter million dollars.)
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