THE FAST LANE
CHARACTERS: LAVISH LEXUS OFF THE LOT, a female Lexus – age: off the lot
DOUBLE R THE ROLLS ROYCE, male Rolls Royce – age: fresh from the factory
SETTING: Side by side double parked in the METREON Parking Lot right on top of Mel’s Diner. The Sounds of the other cars driving by looking for parking. The Smell of Rubber from the rushing commuters. The look of fog from San Francisco’s silly
TIME: Fall morning. 9AM.
AT RISE: DOUBLE R is listening to and singing along to music. TheRolls Royce is parked in the middle of the parking lot by by itself, singing happily…
I could picture us drivin’ in the
rain going eighty in a thirty lane,
we pull over to the parkin’ looot,
Union Square is my favorite
LEXUS pulls up slappin’:
“I got six twelves, you could tell,
I got six twelves, you could tell,
I got six twelves, you could tell”
Boy, what I tell you about singin’
that loud. I heard you all the way
from 6th and Howard. I thought
something was wrong.
Haha, you got jokes, Lex, I heard
that gangsta music before you past
the Chronicle buildin’, you gonna
get a ticket for disturbing the
Boy, stop! I miss you, Royce. Where
you was at last night? Give me a
Uh uh baby, you need to get yo
Haha Royce, you always jokin’. You
love me tho. Quit postponin’ my
question. Where was you at last
Damn, Lex, you always on my bumper.
Quit tail gatin’ me. Where was you
at last night?
I was at the carshow wit ma sister,
Audi. Quit trippin’. What about
you, where you was at? My sis said
she seen you double parked with
Mercedes from Pac Heights.
Man, that’s ludicrous. You know yo
sister don’t like me.
Why do you think my sister don’t
like you? Is it because she always
see you all up in Mercedes grill? I
can’t put up with your conceited
and cocky ways forever…
LEXUS continues to speak but her voice is now muted. DOUBLE
R begins to address the audience in an ASIDE.
That ain’t true, that is not true,
but it is true. Look I been
chillin’ with this other piece of
metal, but she not just any piece
of metal, she’s fabulous with big
head lights and a lot of junk in
her trunk, that’s not the only
thing that’s attractin’ me tho. I’m
in love with her personality and
addicted to her presence. She
understands me unlike
Lexus. Because of me Lexus made it
out of the pick and pull projects.
Her mom was a gas guzzler and
addicted to Pennzoil so I took her
under my wing…
LEXUS begins to snap her fingers, once, twice – ASIDE ends.
Hello! Hello! Are you even
listening to me? Royce, what happen
to us? We used to be like Jay Z and
Beyonce, Will Smith and Jada
Pinket, Angelina and Brad… we
used to do everything together.
Remember, we used to ride back and
forth on the Golden Gate, cruise
down Lombard. I miss –
Cut da crap, Lex. You always
putting everything on me. You the
one changed. You been ridin’ with
your sister every night to all the
side shows and car shows. That’s
not the Lex I remember. You never
wanted to hang out with yo sister.
You should be able to see how she
turning you against me. Oh and I
heard about that head on collision
you had with Ferrari… and
crashin’ at his spot… and and
DOUBLE R continues to speak but his voice is now muted.
LEXUS begins to address the audience in an ASIDE.
Damn, the streets always talkin’.
Look, that is not true but it kinda
is. It wasn’t a head on collision,
it was a hit and run. Royce been
actin’ like a bucket head astro
lately. He need to see it from my
perspective. We go way back like
four flats on a Cadillac. If I
loose Royce, I’m gonna be
worthless. Royce understands where
I’m coming from. I was raised in
the project. My mom was sellin’ her
parts and addicted to anti-freeze.
I can’t explain to him that I gotta
look out for me… because if he
leave me I will be nothing… and I
know he will, eventually.
See, you never did listen to me,
but like I was sayin’, it’s either
my way or the highway, baby. The
road ends now, I think we should go
our separate ways –
LEXUS cuts him off.
Don’t cut me off. You know I got
road rage. Lexus, you used to be
everything to me… but now you
changed for the worst, you started
feeling all skeptical about our
relationship. When we came up and
all eyes were on me. Ever since we
made it to the big league you been
acting so insecure about yourself,
and you keep askin’ why I’m with
you, that I can do better and how a
Rolls Royce and a Lexus ain’t made
for each other.
You need to see it from my
perspective. Lately, you been so
distant. This make me feel bothered
and nervous. I love you so much but
sometimes when I ride by your side
you make me feel so cheap. “All
eyes on you.” I’m a Lexus, just a
Toyota inside. You’re a Rolls
Royce. You could do way better than
You must understand, we still the
same cars, just in a new
environment, and I feel the same
about you as I did in the projects.
And the feelings should be mutual,
but they’re divergent, you don’t
feel the same. So maybe I should
drive away. Do you want to be with
me or not?
LEXUS is quite for a moment.
You hear me?!
Royce, is it that serious…
everything we been through. All the
time we put in this, you willin’ to
throw it all away and just forget
it that fast…
I know, Lexus, this is hard for me,
too. But if I stay my dignity will
be degraded. I love you with all my
battery… but I don’t know, I
think this is the best for both of
Maybe you right Royce. If you
decide to leave, just know you will
always have a part in my engine.
Alright, Lexus, and that feelin’ is
vice versa. I just need time to get
my hood right, maybe I just need a
break but I’ll call yo navigator if
I make my mind up, all gas no
DOUBLE R skirts off.