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TOP NOTCH By DeQuan
CHARACTERS: OSOARROGANT the FOAMPOSITES SHOES age: Brand New
OPTOMISTIC the GLOVES SHOES; age: Brand New his twin brother
SETTING: On the rack at Shiek’s Shoe Store
TIME: 7:30pm, thirty minutes to closing
AT RISE: OSOARROGANT is talking to his brother OPTOMISTIC about “Other People’s Shoes”
OSOARROGANT (to audience) Wassup. My name is Osoarrogant the Foamposites. Just in case you’re wonderin’, I’m a type of shoe. And yes, I’m top notch. I’m pretty sure that everybody wants me, grandmas and all. But anyway, let me be real wit you for a minute. So yes, I would like your undivided attention. Me and my brah Optomistic got a lil problem going on.
OPTOMISTIC No! You got a problem.
OSOARROGANT But fareal, bra, we gotta stick together, feel me? We can’t be worrying about dem ops.
OPTOMISTIC I’m not tripping off dem, blood. I want to go to the low. They got all the smoe uggs.
OSOARROGANT Yea they do, but Westpoint stay wit the Lady Footlockers.
OPTOMISTIC I know, but I wanna get to make my own choices. I mean I love you and all, but you even got a song wit yo name.
OSOARROGANT I know you can’t lie. That thang slap fareal. Come on, sing it wit me: “O- so-Arrogant. I’m so OsoArrogant—“
OPTOMISTIC (interrupting) “Aaiite- Aaaiiite”
OSOARROGANT See that thang slap, bruh!
OPTOMISTIC Stop tryna change the subject. I’m bein’ serious. I’m pretty sure every shoe want some time to themselves. And if they say they don’t, then they lyin’. I want to grow and make my own choices. I don’t want you making choices for me because you got your shoelaces and aglet before me.
OSOARROGANT I feel you, but you only got about 20 minutes to get your mind made up. And I feel you’re going the wrong way with your decision. I honestly don’t think nobody from Sunnydale is going to just walk in here and walk straight to you like I want, Optomistic. And how do you even know how they look in Sunnydale?
OPTOMISTIC Honestly, I don’t know. I only met that one shoe- uhhm- what’s his name, you know—
OSOARROGANT Forty the Flippity Flops.
OPTOMISTIC Yea him! And Jerry the Timberlands, his shoe hecka big, and Tank the And1s.
OSOARROGANT Do you really want to go to Sunnydale and be around shoes like that… they look alllll spunky like DJ Spunkz the Airwalks… Ooh he spunky.
OPTOMISTIC I mean I don’t think they all look spunky. You know who really spunky is them K-Swiss shoes like Max the Combat Boots & Ballout the Open Sandals.
OSOARROGANT I don’t know, man. I feel we need to stay together… like what if my owner decides to leave me somewhere? I can’t call for help because I don’t trust no shoe but you. Or worse, what if my shoelaces untie?
OPTOMISTIC Okay, I get your point.
OSOARROGANT I’m gone let you make your own choices. But just know the owner who’s going to buy me from Westpoint is gone be here in about two minutes and he’s also interested in buying you. So make your mind up fast. And if you decide to wait and deny my buyer, just know, I love you, man.
(The buyer walks in and tells the cashier he’s going to by OsoArrogant and Optomistic.)
OPTOMISTIC No.
(The buyer puts down Optomistic, picks up OsoArrogant and takes him to the counter.)
OPTOMISTIC Nooooooo! Take me with you! I’m sorry that I gave you a hard time. Come on, man, that’s what lil brothers are for. I want to go with you. And you wouldn’t have to worry about being left because I’ll be right by your side always. And I love you too, man. Come on, sing it with…. “OsoArrogant. I’m so OsoArrogant…. Aaaiiiiteeee….Aaaaiiiittte.”
(The buyer turn around to head back. But just as he gets to the shoe rack, somebody from Sunnydale picks up Optomistic.)
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