Cash Money the 1200 Dolla Bill: Fresh out the mint.

Yen the 1500 Dolla Bill: Fresh out the mint.


Stage left is inside the wallet.

Stage right is on the counter of Best Buy.

12:00 pm

At Rise: Cash standing up, slouching slightly.


Isolated, the feeling of loneliness, a feeling I get each time I am away from my dime piece Yen, da 1500 dollar bill.  Me, I’m a 1200 dollar bill and I’m proud to be.  Just like I’m proud to be in love with Yen.  It’s marvelous, extraordinary, a jubilant feeling.  I know some dollars feel scared, hopeless, and helpless about losing the one they love, and they know they need to keep better tabs on their female, but aye, one time I was just the same way when I thought I was gonna lose Yen.  I was so afraid and scared, my green palish color began to fade like the hair cut.  It was an experience that I’ll never forget in my whole dollar life.  This what happened.

YEN:    Cash!

CASH:  What?

YEN:    Cash!!

CASH:  What hoe (laughing) Naw, wassup?

YEN:    Baby, I love you!

CASH:  Wow mammas, I love you too! What chu doin later on?

YEN:    I dunno, why?

CASH:  I dunno, I’m feeling freaky!

YEN:    Wow cash, shut up!

CASH:  Haha.  Aye babe, why you been so down lately?

YEN:    It’s about to make 24 hours and 1 minute since my parents got spent.

CASH: Come on mah, you gotta keep ya head up and know that one day we’ll get to see them again.Maybe sooner than you think.

YEN:    What?

CASH:  Nothing baby!

YEN:    Oh My God!! Cash -”Top Dollar”- Money!

CASH:  Wow you saying my whole government name, what you want now?

YEN:    We’re on the counter of Best Buy.  Oh my god, this is my chance!

CASH:  Chance for what?

YEN:    To get to the bank dummy!

CASH:  Wait wait wait, you’re not about to leave the wallet are you?  Yen…  Yen… Yen…

YEN:    Out here, Cash!!  Look I’m like Money Mike and them, I’m out chea all day! I’m out chea all night!

CASH:  Babe, I love you, please get back in the wallet.  Please!

YEN:    You know I want to get to the bank, this is my only chance.  I love you too sweetheart, but I can’t come back into the wallet.

CASH:  Yen, you’re the finest dolla I ever seen in the whole city of polo waller.  I am grateful to have you and I can’t lose you.  I know you love me.

YEN:    But what about my parents?  I mean, there’s a void in my heart and they’re the reason for it.

CASH:  Get your dumb ass back in here ‘fore I come grab you by your 25 cent weave and drag you in here!

YEN:    Uggh.  Bye Cash!!

CASH:  Wait, I know your parents are the most important thing to you right now and I know you want to be with them and one day we will be, but look, you complete me!  You know I use to be a drug money dollar until I met you and I’ll probably become one again if I lose you.  Don’t you even care about me?  Do you want me to shred up and get wrinkled and dry?  I thought you loved me.

YEN:    Cash, you hella dumb, listen boy, I love you too, you are the ink on my surface, but babe, I’ve been doubtful, fearful and overwhelmed, drained of all the good feelings inside of me because my parents are sitting in a bank and I’m out here in the walet they raised me i.  I need them cash, I don’t want to be without my parents when we have kids!

CASH:  Aye, freeze!  Pause, pump ya brakes, slow ya motion.  Who said something about kids?

YEN:    Cash, I have something to tell you baby, you’re about to be a daddy dollar.  Cash… Cash…

CASH:  Yen, don’t chu see we’re meant to be?  I know you want to see your parents and believe me, you will, just trust me and get back in the wallet before you get left.

YEN:    Cash, what’s going to happen if you’re wrong?  What if I don’t see my parents ever?  How are you going to block the negative emotions when they come back, hunn?

CASH:  Listen, you said it yourself, that void you’re feeling without your parents… how’re the kids gonna feel when they don’t have a dad?  Hun, you putting them through the same thing.

YEN:    Oh, now you gonna make me feel guilty cash?  You gonna do that to me?  That’s how you gettin’ down now, hunn?

CASH:  It’s not like that babe, I cannot lose you, you’re the realest dollar that I’ve ever met.

(The cashier bags the x-box and pushes a few buttons on the register)

YEN:    Newsflash Cash, I’m counterfeit!  You still want me to stay?  You were always thinking you’re counterfeit.  You are a limited edition 1200 bill made exclusively for Bill Gates, Oprah and others who can afford them.  I was created by a mint worker trying to get rich quick!

CASH:  Counterfeit?!  You mean to tell me you were fake the whole time?  Everything was?  The love, the conversations we had?  Everything?

YEN:    No Cash, damn you hell stupid!! The only fake part about me is that I’m not an official government bill, that’s it!  You and I are from the same mint, the only difference is the guy that printed me changed my numbers to 1500 and there’s only one of me in this world.

You know what Cash, I don’t care anymore about you.   This wallet or anything else if you truly cared about me, like you say you do.  You would be here to help not hurt me at a time like this.

CASH:  Yen, I’m trying to be nice and I’m trying to make you happy, but I’m not about to sit up here and let you leave me and then you drop a bomb like this on me.  I love you regardless, but when I was in the dirty money, I had a bunch of two dollar bill females always trying to be with me and hurt me.  It’s hard to know who to trust.  Especially when the person you love is ready to up and leave you without even a proper goodbye!  I mean we have been together since the mint babe, you can’t leave.

YEN:    Why Cash?  Why can’t I leave you?  What’s so special about me “Yen the counterfeit 1500”  I do love you! I do need chu but why shouldn’t I leave you?! My parents are my life, why shouldn’t I stay on this counter and watch you and the rest of the wallet walk off inside that mans pocket?!

CASH:  Yen, I have always loved you , I changed for you, I did a lot since the first hour at the mint when I saw you and I was in the broke part of the wallet, now I’m doin well and if I lose you, you know what will happen?

YEN:    No

CASH:  Huh?

YEN:    No Cash, what will happen if I leave you?!

CASH:  You will be with me again by tonight.  I wanted it to be a surprise.  Oh well, surprise!

YEN:    What?

CASH:  I overheard the owner on Celly the Cellphone from across the waist.  After we leave here we’re going to be deposited into the bank.  See, I told you to trust me, but no, you just want to do your own thing and just leave me and with my kids!

YEN:    Cash- I

CASH:  You what? You love me?  If you love me and trust me, why just up and leave me?

YEN:    Quit being stupid for a second and think.  You’re so selfish, you have all your family right here plus me.  Look around, your mom, your dad, brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews.  Who do I have besides you, Cash? Nobody.  I’d rather be in a relationship with and have a family too than just a relationship.

CASH:  I’m sorry, you’re right.

YEN:    I know I’m right.  I don’t want to hear that, what I want to hear is that you’re serious about us going to the bank.

CASH:  You got to trust me and find out mah, that’s the only way.

YEN:    Cash, please…

(CASH sticks out his side for YEN to grab onto as the clerk hands the bags to the owner.)

CASH:  Yen, if you trust me take it.

(YEN looks at CASH in his green and white eyes and bites her lip.  The cash register opens and the money is collected and the receipt is given to the owner as he shoves the wallet with CASH and YEN back into his pocket.)